Dating

500 Days of Summer

I finally saw 500 Days of Summer during one of my sick days. I love watching movies without having seen previews or knowing the storyline because I have no expectations. I remember hearing some say, “Don’t watch it. It’s so sad,” and others saying, “It’s refreshing to see a real depiction of relationships and not the romantic stuff that never happens in real life.” The plot is summarized as “an offbeat romantic comedy about a woman who doesn’t believe true love exists, and the young man who falls for her.”

My roommate didn’t think it was realistic, that not many girls would be as disinterested in finding love as Zooey Deschanel’s character. Aside from not believing that anyone would turn down someone who looks like Joseph Gordon-Levitt and dressed in cute vests and ties like his character, Tom Hansen, I thought the movie was a great depiction of love and heartbreak. I loved the scene where Tom was dancing in the streets after having sex with Summer for the first time. Who hasn’t unknowingly smiled the entire day and wished they could high five everyone who passed them after great sex with a crush? And after a bad day where he’s on the streets in his bathrobe after buying whiskey and ding dongs and he yells at the couple holding hands to get a room. Who hasn’t wished happy couples could disappear for your sake and only allowed to return when you’re having a better day?

And I loved the line where Tom’s little sister tells him, “I know you think she was the one but I don’t think she was. I think you’re only remembering the good stuff.” It is much easier to get over someone when you take off the pedestal glasses and admit that it wasn’t perfect. Ok, I won’t spoil any more of the movie for you. I’ll just say that I think it’s a great movie for anyone who has stopped believing in love. Relationships aren’t all kissing in the rain and riding off in the sunset. You’re bound to get your heartbroken at least once and chances are you’re only remembering the good stuff.

Author name:: Nina

the rules…

It’s been 2 months now since The Boy and I ended things. I had a hard time with it at first. We had spent so much time together, how is it that all of a sudden we cut off all communication? I felt like I had lost a great friend. To make it worse, everything reminded me of him. I would bike down to the park to be active and try to get my mind off him, except that the park was near his apartment and I would have mini panic attacks that I would see him. Even the subway ride made me think of him and I would have to consciously remember to get off at my stop and not his. But as time went on it became less of an effort to forget him and I found that I was actually enjoying myself again, not “trying to enjoy myself.”

My friends had asked me why I took the breakup so hard, technically he wasn’t even my boyfriend. I did genuinely care for him but I think the rejection, in itself, is hard to take. Why does yet another guy not want me? Is there something wrong with me? Like a child who’s had her toy taken away before she was done playing with it, I wanted to snatch him back and say, “I’m not done with you yet.” I read in this month’s Women’s Health that being rejected by someone can make you want them even more, for the sake of attaining the person, not actually wanting to be with the person. New research in Psychological Science read:

People who tried to win a prize and failed were willing to pay extra to get it. But when they tried again to win it and succeeded, 78 percent chose to trade it away. The findings ring true for love: If you’re pining for a person who rejected you, you may not be as happy as you think you’d be if reconciliation were possible.

I found this to be true in my case as well. I wasn’t necessarily the happiest I could be with him, but God dammit, I wanted him to want me. As more time went by I became angry, if not with him, then with myself. Why did I accept the bare minimum from him? Do I not deserve more? I decided that I do. I also decided that I’m wasting too much time on men, undeserving ones. So I made a pact that I wasn’t going to date. No men in my life = no distractions, no mental anguish. Men do this all the time. They set a goal and they put their blinders on. If they say they’re not going to date anyone until their acting career picks up, they mean it. Women on the other hand say this but we never like to stand in the way of fate. Like if we say, “I’m going to focus on school right now,” but if someone sweet, and charming, and extremely handsome comes into our lives… I mean…we’re not gonna say no…

But the trouble is that it wasn’t someone sweet, charming, and extremely handsome that was coming into my life and distracting me from my goals. It’s someone who’s selfish, thoughtless, and unworthy (hiding behind a handsome face). I decided that I wanted more. So I instated a No Dating Rule, effective May 20th, 2010. I am only open for friendship and anyone who wants more can suck it. Not literally, of course.

This rule is effective until I finish writing my book. (It’s so close! I really can’t be taking sick days to mend a heartbreak).

But… there is a sub clause. Us women, we hate the “what if he was The One” question. I will only accept a date if the person asks me on a picnic, bike ride, or other fun activity, and, these plans are made in advance. Seems easy enough but, trust me, there are very few guys out there who put in the effort of thinking of something fun to do and call to ask ahead of time. This will be a very easy rule to follow.

My best friend called me to catch up last week and she asked how the men in my life are doing. I filled her in on my No Dating pact…but, “There is this one guy,” I told her…

“Rules are meant to be broken,” she replied.

Author name:: Nina

oh, New York

New York City has a way of making you feel like a child. Well, a broke ass college student to be more exact. Most of us couldn’t afford to live without roommates and our condiments are typically stolen from various delis and diners. We don’t have mortgages, kids, lasting relationships, or washer dryers.

Sometimes I find it comical that after 28 years on this earth, what I do have are roaches, leaks, and a box of earplugs. The other night my roommates and I ordered pizza. When I went back into the kitchen an hour later to get a second slice, I saw a bunch of roaches run out of the box. Fantastic. Last night, every couple of seconds as I lay in bed reading, a few drops of water would sprinkle my face and book. My upstairs neighbor’s air conditioner is leaking through my window. It’s as if I’m at torture camp, having water trickled down my face until I slowly lose my mind. A few minutes later, on a Monday night, there were 3 guys singing and chanting fraternity cheers on the street below my window. It was so loud I thought there were 20 of them outside. I had to do it. I was one of those ornery ladies who yelled, “Shut the fuck up,” out the window. “Oh go back and lick your cunt,” they yelled back. Nice. Some more time passes, a few minutes after midnight, and I hear what sounds like a marching band. I looked out my window and did not see a parade or any signs of instruments, but I could hear horns, accordions, and trumpets as if it were St. Paddy’s Day.

I put in my earplugs and thought to myself, “Oh, New York, it’s funny how I still love you, no matter how much you piss me off.” Perhaps, I realize, I’ve treated all of my relationships as if they were New York. I just put in my earplugs, roll over, and continue to love you, regardless of your flaws.

Author name:: Nina

goalie v goalie

We may not agree which team to root for but perhaps we can agree on who the hotties are. Too many saucy footie puns that I can insert here but I’ll keep it clean. These 2 goalies are definitely keepers!

USA goalkeep: Tim Howard

England goalkeep: Robert Green

mmm

Author name:: Nina

nonstop

I’ve had such a random weekend. I know I use that word a lot to describe my nights but I guess I end up doing a lot of spur of the moment, random things. I was working on Wednesday and I was in a bit of a sour mood because I had contacted The Boy and hadn’t heard back from him. Will I ever stop making dumb choices? I met 2 guys from San Francisco but was quite rude due to my mood and my hatred for all men (ha, dramatic aren’t I?). Anyway, they turned out to be loads of fun and I shared my stories of the terrible time I had when I last visited SF. I ended up drinking with them for 8 hours and playing ping pong and shuffle board at a bar on Christopher and Broadway (can’t remember the name).

Friday night, I went to Pianos with my roommate and had a blast dancing with her girlfriends.

I’ve never had a bad time at Pianos. I could do without the guys who lurk around behind you on the dance floor and wait for the moment that you’re not paying attention to try to slip an arm around your waist. Ew. The SF guys were around the corner at Fat Baby so I stopped by there with my roommate. I’m in trouble whenever there’s Grey Goose bottle service. I don’t have limits! But I did have to work early the following day so I pried my claws off my glass and feet off the dance floor and headed home. (Not without an argument with TA first. Do I even have the energy to talk about him anymore?)

(You know it’s a fun night when you wake up and your inner wrist looks like this).

Saturday morning, after a 4 hour nap, I worked a Soccer Without Borders event (what a great cause!) for the USA v England World Cup game. A room full of hot men drinking for charity. Is that my heaven or what? I was divided for the game but I felt my loyalties were with England. Yes, I got a lot of abuse for this. What a sad outcome. A tie is a loss for me. I just wanted to give Robert Green a hug.

I got home at 8PM and wanted to squeeze in a nap but my roommates invited me out to the bohemian beer garden in Astoria. I have gotten a lot of flack for living in Astoria for 8 months and never having been there so I couldn’t turn down the invite. It was a gorgeous night and would you believe I had TWO beers! We stopped by Aftons on our way home and of course, I’m such a talker, ended up getting into a 2 hour conversation with 2 random guys. I finally went home after I think one guy gave the other guy the “oh my god get me out of here” signal. haha. I was so exhausted I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I could barely get out of bed on Sunday. I watched some more World Cup (next time, Australia) and ate and napped.

World Cup, World Cup! It would be porn for women if they played without their shirts. Mmm. (Annie Lebowitz images via Vanity Fair).

My roommates got me out of bed with pizza and we watched a marathon of True Blood. (I still think the show is super weird but boxed sets are so addicting). What an awesome weekend.

Author name:: Nina